Back To Basics

I remember the days when I memorized telephone numbers. I remember the days that if I wanted to make a telephone call, I had to pick up the rotary dial phone and manually dial 7 digits to talk to someone. I was extremely happy when my mother upgraded from the rotary dial to the push-button telephone. I also remember the days pre-call waiting and if I called someone's telephone number and they were on the phone, I would get a busy signal which meant that I would just simply have to call back later. I also remember the days when I would call someone and if their phone number stayed busy for too long, I could call the operator to interrupt the call by simply stating that it's an emergency. But, how things have changed . . . some for the better and some for the worst.

Gone are the days of Southern Bell and some of the other telephone companies that I was accustomed to while growing up in the 60s, 70s and 80s. The telephone companies seemed to shift their business and upgraded their services. They operate differently now. I remember when I got my own place, had children, and ordered telephone service for my residence. The telephone company eventually offered a package that included, caller ID, call waiting and three-way calling and I purchased it. If my kids never appreciated anything, they surely enjoyed our upgraded telephone service. They could talk on the phone and not worry about missing a telephone call because they would hear a simple "beep" in their ear when another call came in. They could also connect friends to phone calls already in progress. And I was in shock when they started dialing *67 and *69. and call block. I had never heard of such a thing but my children had - and they used that technology.

Additionally, with the popularity of social media and how it has blossomed more than what many would have ever imagined, the way that we do almost everything has changed dramatically. Many of us are Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn users, among may others, and while they are good communication tools, they should not be the only communication tools that we use. I appreciate timeless communication and social media allows just that but I still do appreciate face-to-face communication as well as picking up the phone to articulate my thoughts, questions and/or concerns when necessary. However, youth today utilize social media so effectively that I am concerned that their social skills are lacking. They have a difficult time expressing themselves personally and are unaware of how to mingle and interact with society. They are great texters and are familiar with every emoticon that there is but they have difficulty in representing themselves face-to-face and this is definitely concerning to me.

I am an owner of two Smart Phones but with the advent of Smart Phones, we've created a not so smart generation. Personally, I know no one's telephone number by memory anymore. I'll be the first to admit that I am guilty of having to refer to my BlackBerry to retrieve a number before I actually place the call. It may be time to just get back to basics.

Smooches . . .

I'm Determined

Each day that I wake up and see the sunrise is a true blessing to me. Having been born into two families with a myriad of cancers, I am more than happy to see each new day and I do not take that for granted. Cancer is a disease that strikes numerous families and mine is no different. From my grandmother to my uncles, to my aunts, and to my mother, the Big C has touched my family for many years. And as I mature in this life, I constantly wonder "will I be next?". Will I ever be diagnosed with the Big C?

While I stay on top of my doctor visits and my physicians follow me very closely because of my family history, there have been times when the doctors have had to order additional tests to rule out the Big C during certain exams. It is those moments that I cry and am afraid because of what the doctors can come back and inform me of. It is those times that I cannot sleep and my face breaks out because of stress. It is those times that my aunt and I talk and pray more often than any other time. It is those times that my children continuously call to check on me. It is those times that I take the time to reflect on how blessed my life has been. It is those times that I love who I am and all that I am destined to be.

So far, I have been extremely lucky . . . or should I call it blessed? But those exams that some people have to have once a year, I have to have every 6 months. And because I am keenly aware of my family history, I am not only concerned about my health, I have a deep concern for the health of my daughters and my grandchildren. My prayer to the Almighty is that he break this generational curse and remove ALL cancers from my family and family members to come. I have learned to depend on God and I am depending on Him to do what he has promised each of us. I have grown in my spiritual walk and I have learned to trust and depend on Him.

My belief dictates to me that we can endure all that we are confronted with. I truly believe that God provides each of us with the strength to excel and go through those things that challenge and test our belief in Him. I am committed to seeing this thing through. I can do it because I have a Father that has my back and He has never told a lie.

I ask myself again, am I lucky or am I blessed? The answer is simple - I am blessed because I know who I am and whose I am. If we have God, we have all that we will ever need!

Smooches . . .

Sacrifice

I am so tired of some of the excuses that some parents use to justify why they are not actively involved in their children's lives. I look at the excuses as just that - excuses. Children deserve an opportunity to explore, an opportunity to see a life outside of the life that they already know.

The excuses that I hear run the gamut. From I have to work, to I don't have money, to that's not for me, to I need to get some rest, we are holding our children back from being the best that they can be. We are not affording them opportunities to be better than what we were. Quite frankly, we are ruining our children. And on top off all of that, because of all of the hoopla with social media, in the future, we will see a generation of people who have very little or no social skills (but we can discuss this further during a later blog entry).

I have witnessed single mothers spread themselves super thin just to make sure that their children had opportunities. Hell, take me for example. I worked a full-time job, went to school full-time, and still made sure that my girls participated in the extra-curricular activities that assisted them in being the well-rounded women that they are today. They attended summer camps and vacation Bible schools, as well as participated in College Reach Out programs and other programs that were offered to youth throughout the community. Their development was so important to me that I worked my schedule around their schedules. I put my life on hold and I put them first. I dropped one of them off to tennis practice, and scurried across town to make sure that the others attended cheerleading and basketball practice. I didn't miss a parent/teacher meeting and I served on the school's advisory council. And on top of all of that, I prepared home-cooked meals and took care of the household mommy duties (geesh, I'm tired just thinking about those days).

My girls and I even had weekly "date nights" - those nights that we went out and did whatever they wanted to do. I showed them that I cared, that I was concerned about their upbringing and their success.

Wow! As a single parent, I now look back and can give myself a pat on the back because I survived. And others can do it to. Keep reminding yourself about the expeced outcomes and how your children will benefit from the sacrifices that you make on their behalf. Stop making excuses and just do it. An excuse is a release from an obligation or duty, but we are obligated to be the support that our children deserve. Get totally involved and show your children that you care about the whole them. Our children deserve to have parents that are nurturing, loving, and caring.

Make sure that if you are a parent, your life is about your children . . . and not about you. The day that you became a parent is the day that your wants and desires became secondary. Our children are important, their development should be the foremost concern of parents.

Sacrificing now will ensure that you witness your children at their fullest potential.

Smooches . . .

I'm Responsible For My Happiness

When relationships do not progress as we think that they should, it's probably for the best. And quite frankly, when we take the time to think about it, we already knew that the relationship was doomed even prior to its destruction. In addition, we sometimes find it difficult to allow another person into our lives because we want to hold them accountable for what our past mate did or did not do. We push the person with potential to the side because we hold on to the hurt that others have caused us. And, even though we desire to move on, we hold on to the junk that we should release and wonder why we have a difficult time in future relationships. Why do we do this? Because we are human and each human has a different way of dealing with hurt, deception and betrayal.

My friends who know me are aware that I have a very low tolerance for "junk" and foolishness. When I see foolishness coming, I go the opposite direction. I have been labeled the one that can walk away from a relationship and continue on like nothing concerns me. Well, while that's somewhat true, what's more important is that I want to be happy and if I'm not happy, I'm not Tammy. I am as real as they come and when I say that I can walk away from a relationship that doesn't bring me happiness, I say that after I have thought deeply about the direction that the relationship may or may not take me. 

The bottom line is that I give much thought to my happiness. I give much thought to what I will and what will not allow in my life. I give much thought to where I am and where I want to be. My happiness does not depend on someone else - I am responsible for that. And because I am responsible for that, if I see that the relationship is not for me, I accept it as that and move forward. I shift my transmission to drive and I do just that.

So I say to you, while you may be hurt or depressed that a relationship ended, keep your head high and keep it moving! Some folk are not deserving of a relationship with you anyway. Have some dignity about yourself and walk away from the relatiosnhip just as proud as you did when you walked into the relationship. Then prepare yourself for bigger and better.

We deserve the best! Don't compromise. Don't settle. And don't give in. There are good people out there looking for good people to share their lives with. We can be treated like the kings and queens that we are. Be open to meeting that someone who believes in you and desires to support and encourage you in your endeavors.

Relationships are fun. Great relationships are everything!

Smooches . . .

You Are Somebody

I must say, I have been witness to a lot of "stuff" but lately, the "stuff" is becoming more and more intense . . . and more and more unexplainable. For instance, some of the things that I see young ladies going through nowadays really should not be. Why do I say this? Quite simply. Young ladies should learn from the mistakes that others have already made. If I already know that the pot on the stove is hot, guess what? I'm not touching the hot pot.

The anger, heartache and confusion that so many of our young ladies experience is sad and it pulls at my heart. They seem to put a relationship above their well being hoping that things will get better at some point. They seem to endure disrespect and humiliation because they don't want to be the one with the relationship that went south. They remain in unhealthy situations because they are not sure what a healthy realationship is. But if I can say one thing to those young ladies who are lost and have no idea where to turn next, I would simply say "love you more than you love him".

Many women have been in situations where they've been made to feel like they are worthless and insignificant. And if you are a man that has placed such a title on a woman, shame on you. But this isn't about the men, this is about the women. The woman is who I care about and it is the woman that can change things for the better.Women are the backbone of this society. We are natural nurturers and we love because that's what our makeup is about. Women need to recognize that so many women have "been there and done that" so look to those things that woman have done and follow their example. If you know a woman that has escaped a situation and her life is much happier because of it, mimic what she's done. Rely on someone for help. Don't ever use the phrase "well, I just don't know what else to do". When in situations that are not beneficial for us, we know exactly what to do. We sometimes choose to NOT do them because we are programmed to accepting what should not be.

If you are programmed to accept disrespect, I encourage you to change your programming. If you think you don't deserve better, please know that you deserve much better. If you are afraid to do something different, I am here to tell you that God has NOT given us the spirit of fear. Shake yourself off and be all of the woman that you are destined to be!

Ladies, we have an abundance of power and we don't even recognize it. Don't allow yourself to remain in a situation that is not healthy for you. You are more than what people think of you. You are somebody . . . and there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do about it!

Smooches . . .

Learning Never Ends

Each day brings new lessons. And lessons are necessary for those of us seeking bigger and better in our lives. I have made a sincere commitment to myself to be all that I can be, and in doing so, I am always up for learning something new every single day. I am always seeking opportunities to broaden my horizon.

Don't ever think that you are too wise to learn something. And don't you dare think that children can't teach us something that we aren't already familiar with. Children seem to envision life totally different than adults. They don't take life too seriously and because of that, their little minds tend to always be available to learning. When I think about my grandchildren, I recognize that their little minds are extremely intelligent. Their explanation of certain things is comical, but it tells me that their little minds are always working and they are becoming themselves. I am totally in awe when my 6-year-old granddaughter sits down to hold a conversation with me and when I say something that she cannot clearly understand, she calmly says "can you repeat that?" Now I don't know about you, but when I hear a 6-year-old say "can you repeat that?", I immediately know that she's interested in learning about what it is that I have to say, and even during our very general conversation, she is learning and increasing her intellect. Just like when we all learned to walk as toddlers, we should learn that growth eventually dictates our successes. 

Life's lessons are many! Be open-minded and be available to learn. We can all learn something from people that we come in conact with. Your successes depend on the encounters that you make on this road called life.

The KEY to growth and success is:

It would be a shame to live on this earth and not learn something.

Smooches . . .

Friendship Check

Just like love is a very strong word, so too is friend. Some folk use the word friend so loosely and it amazes me that some people really have no clue as to what friendship entails. Friends who are true friends are those that walk into your life when everyone else walks out.

Does it mean that your friend will always agree with you? Absolutely not. But friends understand that just because we don't agree on everything, we love each other enough to respect the decisions that we make. Friends are those that you can tell things to and NEVER have to worry about hearing them again. Friends are those that will listen without all of the time responding. You know, sometimes folk do just want to be able to vent without always hearing your thoughts on certain issues.

Let's be honest, some of our friends really shouldn't hold that title. They seem to NEVER deposit into the friendship what it is that they withdraw. Take a keen look at those friends that you have on your team. If they need to be on the bench, by all means put them there. Friends that don't understand "friendship" will drain your energy and your spirit.

Me personally, I recognize that some of my "friends" don't deserve to be on the front row. They are more fitting on the sidewalk.

Do yourself a favor and check your friends.

Smooches . . .