Why am I here?: Will the REAL Men Please Stand UP?!?!?!?

Why am I here?: Will the REAL Men Please Stand UP?!?!?!?: I'm NOT beating up the men today but I'm very real when I say that men need to "man up"! Too many women are being forced to be the man and t...

Will the REAL Men Please Stand UP?!?!?!?

I'm NOT beating up the men today but I'm very real when I say that men need to "man up"! Too many women are being forced to be the man and the woman in the household and there's something definitely wrong with that!

Why must you be in your 40s and a woman has to teach you how to be a man? Why must a woman have to tell you that you should work when you already know that you want to eat? Why must a woman tell you anything about manly "stuff" when you should already know those things?

So many men say that women want to be the man and the woman in a relationship. Well, women would love to hand over the manly duties if the man would kindly take them over. Women only hold on to both responsibilities when the man fails to hold up his end. Trust me, women would love to relinquish certain things if they know that there is a man who's "got that".

The men of yesterday do not exist today. Just like we must raise our girls to be women, we've got to raise our boys to be men. If you're not raising your boys to be men, you are doing them a disservice.

Come on guys, you can do so much better than what you are doing. This world is depending on you.

Smooches . . .

Why am I here?: Unhappy Does NOT Live Here

Why am I here?: Unhappy Does NOT Live Here: Some people are unhappy and they possess an energy that is unhealthy and can be contagious. They always have negative thoughts and never see...

Unhappy Does NOT Live Here

Some people are unhappy and they possess an energy that is unhealthy and can be contagious. They always have negative thoughts and never seem to have anything positive or uplifting to deposit into our lives. Their unhappiness is what makes them who they are and I personally do NOT have time for that.

My joy is knowing that I have friends and family members that are happy and uplift me when I feel a bit weary. My joy is knowing who I am, and I am more than thrilled about my life and where it has taken me. I can speak all day about the awards and accolades that I have received but when I speak about happiness and joy, I speak about my personal growth and development. I speak about raising children who have all made me a happy mother. I speak about the people who think highly of me because of the person that they know me to be. I speak of the individuals that I come in contact with on a daily basis who genuinely appreciate me for being the caring person that I am.

My happiness is because I refuse to be unhappy. I refuse to allow anyone to have control over my sanity. I refuse to engage in conversation that is not fitting to what I want in my life. I do not want folk in my presence who never have a kind word to say . . . I always want to be in the presence of folk who can always deposit something positive in my life.

I encourage you to surround yourself with folk who are motivators and encourage you to be a better you. I'm allergic to foolishness and you should be too!

Smooches . . .

Back To Basics

I remember the days when I memorized telephone numbers. I remember the days that if I wanted to make a telephone call, I had to pick up the rotary dial phone and manually dial 7 digits to talk to someone. I was extremely happy when my mother upgraded from the rotary dial to the push-button telephone. I also remember the days pre-call waiting and if I called someone's telephone number and they were on the phone, I would get a busy signal which meant that I would just simply have to call back later. I also remember the days when I would call someone and if their phone number stayed busy for too long, I could call the operator to interrupt the call by simply stating that it's an emergency. But, how things have changed . . . some for the better and some for the worst.

Gone are the days of Southern Bell and some of the other telephone companies that I was accustomed to while growing up in the 60s, 70s and 80s. The telephone companies seemed to shift their business and upgraded their services. They operate differently now. I remember when I got my own place, had children, and ordered telephone service for my residence. The telephone company eventually offered a package that included, caller ID, call waiting and three-way calling and I purchased it. If my kids never appreciated anything, they surely enjoyed our upgraded telephone service. They could talk on the phone and not worry about missing a telephone call because they would hear a simple "beep" in their ear when another call came in. They could also connect friends to phone calls already in progress. And I was in shock when they started dialing *67 and *69. and call block. I had never heard of such a thing but my children had - and they used that technology.

Additionally, with the popularity of social media and how it has blossomed more than what many would have ever imagined, the way that we do almost everything has changed dramatically. Many of us are Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn users, among may others, and while they are good communication tools, they should not be the only communication tools that we use. I appreciate timeless communication and social media allows just that but I still do appreciate face-to-face communication as well as picking up the phone to articulate my thoughts, questions and/or concerns when necessary. However, youth today utilize social media so effectively that I am concerned that their social skills are lacking. They have a difficult time expressing themselves personally and are unaware of how to mingle and interact with society. They are great texters and are familiar with every emoticon that there is but they have difficulty in representing themselves face-to-face and this is definitely concerning to me.

I am an owner of two Smart Phones but with the advent of Smart Phones, we've created a not so smart generation. Personally, I know no one's telephone number by memory anymore. I'll be the first to admit that I am guilty of having to refer to my BlackBerry to retrieve a number before I actually place the call. It may be time to just get back to basics.

Smooches . . .

I'm Determined

Each day that I wake up and see the sunrise is a true blessing to me. Having been born into two families with a myriad of cancers, I am more than happy to see each new day and I do not take that for granted. Cancer is a disease that strikes numerous families and mine is no different. From my grandmother to my uncles, to my aunts, and to my mother, the Big C has touched my family for many years. And as I mature in this life, I constantly wonder "will I be next?". Will I ever be diagnosed with the Big C?

While I stay on top of my doctor visits and my physicians follow me very closely because of my family history, there have been times when the doctors have had to order additional tests to rule out the Big C during certain exams. It is those moments that I cry and am afraid because of what the doctors can come back and inform me of. It is those times that I cannot sleep and my face breaks out because of stress. It is those times that my aunt and I talk and pray more often than any other time. It is those times that my children continuously call to check on me. It is those times that I take the time to reflect on how blessed my life has been. It is those times that I love who I am and all that I am destined to be.

So far, I have been extremely lucky . . . or should I call it blessed? But those exams that some people have to have once a year, I have to have every 6 months. And because I am keenly aware of my family history, I am not only concerned about my health, I have a deep concern for the health of my daughters and my grandchildren. My prayer to the Almighty is that he break this generational curse and remove ALL cancers from my family and family members to come. I have learned to depend on God and I am depending on Him to do what he has promised each of us. I have grown in my spiritual walk and I have learned to trust and depend on Him.

My belief dictates to me that we can endure all that we are confronted with. I truly believe that God provides each of us with the strength to excel and go through those things that challenge and test our belief in Him. I am committed to seeing this thing through. I can do it because I have a Father that has my back and He has never told a lie.

I ask myself again, am I lucky or am I blessed? The answer is simple - I am blessed because I know who I am and whose I am. If we have God, we have all that we will ever need!

Smooches . . .

Sacrifice

I am so tired of some of the excuses that some parents use to justify why they are not actively involved in their children's lives. I look at the excuses as just that - excuses. Children deserve an opportunity to explore, an opportunity to see a life outside of the life that they already know.

The excuses that I hear run the gamut. From I have to work, to I don't have money, to that's not for me, to I need to get some rest, we are holding our children back from being the best that they can be. We are not affording them opportunities to be better than what we were. Quite frankly, we are ruining our children. And on top off all of that, because of all of the hoopla with social media, in the future, we will see a generation of people who have very little or no social skills (but we can discuss this further during a later blog entry).

I have witnessed single mothers spread themselves super thin just to make sure that their children had opportunities. Hell, take me for example. I worked a full-time job, went to school full-time, and still made sure that my girls participated in the extra-curricular activities that assisted them in being the well-rounded women that they are today. They attended summer camps and vacation Bible schools, as well as participated in College Reach Out programs and other programs that were offered to youth throughout the community. Their development was so important to me that I worked my schedule around their schedules. I put my life on hold and I put them first. I dropped one of them off to tennis practice, and scurried across town to make sure that the others attended cheerleading and basketball practice. I didn't miss a parent/teacher meeting and I served on the school's advisory council. And on top of all of that, I prepared home-cooked meals and took care of the household mommy duties (geesh, I'm tired just thinking about those days).

My girls and I even had weekly "date nights" - those nights that we went out and did whatever they wanted to do. I showed them that I cared, that I was concerned about their upbringing and their success.

Wow! As a single parent, I now look back and can give myself a pat on the back because I survived. And others can do it to. Keep reminding yourself about the expeced outcomes and how your children will benefit from the sacrifices that you make on their behalf. Stop making excuses and just do it. An excuse is a release from an obligation or duty, but we are obligated to be the support that our children deserve. Get totally involved and show your children that you care about the whole them. Our children deserve to have parents that are nurturing, loving, and caring.

Make sure that if you are a parent, your life is about your children . . . and not about you. The day that you became a parent is the day that your wants and desires became secondary. Our children are important, their development should be the foremost concern of parents.

Sacrificing now will ensure that you witness your children at their fullest potential.

Smooches . . .

I'm Responsible For My Happiness

When relationships do not progress as we think that they should, it's probably for the best. And quite frankly, when we take the time to think about it, we already knew that the relationship was doomed even prior to its destruction. In addition, we sometimes find it difficult to allow another person into our lives because we want to hold them accountable for what our past mate did or did not do. We push the person with potential to the side because we hold on to the hurt that others have caused us. And, even though we desire to move on, we hold on to the junk that we should release and wonder why we have a difficult time in future relationships. Why do we do this? Because we are human and each human has a different way of dealing with hurt, deception and betrayal.

My friends who know me are aware that I have a very low tolerance for "junk" and foolishness. When I see foolishness coming, I go the opposite direction. I have been labeled the one that can walk away from a relationship and continue on like nothing concerns me. Well, while that's somewhat true, what's more important is that I want to be happy and if I'm not happy, I'm not Tammy. I am as real as they come and when I say that I can walk away from a relationship that doesn't bring me happiness, I say that after I have thought deeply about the direction that the relationship may or may not take me. 

The bottom line is that I give much thought to my happiness. I give much thought to what I will and what will not allow in my life. I give much thought to where I am and where I want to be. My happiness does not depend on someone else - I am responsible for that. And because I am responsible for that, if I see that the relationship is not for me, I accept it as that and move forward. I shift my transmission to drive and I do just that.

So I say to you, while you may be hurt or depressed that a relationship ended, keep your head high and keep it moving! Some folk are not deserving of a relationship with you anyway. Have some dignity about yourself and walk away from the relatiosnhip just as proud as you did when you walked into the relationship. Then prepare yourself for bigger and better.

We deserve the best! Don't compromise. Don't settle. And don't give in. There are good people out there looking for good people to share their lives with. We can be treated like the kings and queens that we are. Be open to meeting that someone who believes in you and desires to support and encourage you in your endeavors.

Relationships are fun. Great relationships are everything!

Smooches . . .

You Are Somebody

I must say, I have been witness to a lot of "stuff" but lately, the "stuff" is becoming more and more intense . . . and more and more unexplainable. For instance, some of the things that I see young ladies going through nowadays really should not be. Why do I say this? Quite simply. Young ladies should learn from the mistakes that others have already made. If I already know that the pot on the stove is hot, guess what? I'm not touching the hot pot.

The anger, heartache and confusion that so many of our young ladies experience is sad and it pulls at my heart. They seem to put a relationship above their well being hoping that things will get better at some point. They seem to endure disrespect and humiliation because they don't want to be the one with the relationship that went south. They remain in unhealthy situations because they are not sure what a healthy realationship is. But if I can say one thing to those young ladies who are lost and have no idea where to turn next, I would simply say "love you more than you love him".

Many women have been in situations where they've been made to feel like they are worthless and insignificant. And if you are a man that has placed such a title on a woman, shame on you. But this isn't about the men, this is about the women. The woman is who I care about and it is the woman that can change things for the better.Women are the backbone of this society. We are natural nurturers and we love because that's what our makeup is about. Women need to recognize that so many women have "been there and done that" so look to those things that woman have done and follow their example. If you know a woman that has escaped a situation and her life is much happier because of it, mimic what she's done. Rely on someone for help. Don't ever use the phrase "well, I just don't know what else to do". When in situations that are not beneficial for us, we know exactly what to do. We sometimes choose to NOT do them because we are programmed to accepting what should not be.

If you are programmed to accept disrespect, I encourage you to change your programming. If you think you don't deserve better, please know that you deserve much better. If you are afraid to do something different, I am here to tell you that God has NOT given us the spirit of fear. Shake yourself off and be all of the woman that you are destined to be!

Ladies, we have an abundance of power and we don't even recognize it. Don't allow yourself to remain in a situation that is not healthy for you. You are more than what people think of you. You are somebody . . . and there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do about it!

Smooches . . .

Learning Never Ends

Each day brings new lessons. And lessons are necessary for those of us seeking bigger and better in our lives. I have made a sincere commitment to myself to be all that I can be, and in doing so, I am always up for learning something new every single day. I am always seeking opportunities to broaden my horizon.

Don't ever think that you are too wise to learn something. And don't you dare think that children can't teach us something that we aren't already familiar with. Children seem to envision life totally different than adults. They don't take life too seriously and because of that, their little minds tend to always be available to learning. When I think about my grandchildren, I recognize that their little minds are extremely intelligent. Their explanation of certain things is comical, but it tells me that their little minds are always working and they are becoming themselves. I am totally in awe when my 6-year-old granddaughter sits down to hold a conversation with me and when I say something that she cannot clearly understand, she calmly says "can you repeat that?" Now I don't know about you, but when I hear a 6-year-old say "can you repeat that?", I immediately know that she's interested in learning about what it is that I have to say, and even during our very general conversation, she is learning and increasing her intellect. Just like when we all learned to walk as toddlers, we should learn that growth eventually dictates our successes. 

Life's lessons are many! Be open-minded and be available to learn. We can all learn something from people that we come in conact with. Your successes depend on the encounters that you make on this road called life.

The KEY to growth and success is:

It would be a shame to live on this earth and not learn something.

Smooches . . .

Friendship Check

Just like love is a very strong word, so too is friend. Some folk use the word friend so loosely and it amazes me that some people really have no clue as to what friendship entails. Friends who are true friends are those that walk into your life when everyone else walks out.

Does it mean that your friend will always agree with you? Absolutely not. But friends understand that just because we don't agree on everything, we love each other enough to respect the decisions that we make. Friends are those that you can tell things to and NEVER have to worry about hearing them again. Friends are those that will listen without all of the time responding. You know, sometimes folk do just want to be able to vent without always hearing your thoughts on certain issues.

Let's be honest, some of our friends really shouldn't hold that title. They seem to NEVER deposit into the friendship what it is that they withdraw. Take a keen look at those friends that you have on your team. If they need to be on the bench, by all means put them there. Friends that don't understand "friendship" will drain your energy and your spirit.

Me personally, I recognize that some of my "friends" don't deserve to be on the front row. They are more fitting on the sidewalk.

Do yourself a favor and check your friends.

Smooches . . .

Classy Is NOT Trashy!

The television is bombarded with so many reality shows nowadays but one that I ran across recently speaks to an all new level of trash. Without getting too deep, the jest of the show highlighted the lifestyle of millionaires and how they came from nothing to a lot of something. Now I have ALWAYS said that money cannot buy class and this show confirms what I've always spoke of from day one.

The profanity, the backstabbing, the gossiping, and the fighting is absolutely ridiculous! And I have been in the presence of several folk with money but they have never acted like I saw these people acting on television. My attendance at the finer black tie affairs, my time spent in the skybox of major sporting events, and my opportunities to mingle and network with folk on Palm Beach and on Rodeo Drive who have more money than I can dream of have been many but NEVER have I witnessed any of them act in a way that I saw those people on this show act. It's embarrassing, it speaks to their level of sophistication, and it demonstrates that not all people can handle the attention that money oftentimes brings.

Lastly, as I stated earlier, money CANNOT buy class. If you are rude prior to having an abundance of money, guess what? You will just be a rude person with money. Money can buy the finest luxury vehicles. I can pay for the nicest home in the best gated community. It can even pay for an excursion of a lifetime. But it cannot and will not buy class.

It's time to change. It's time to want to do better. It's time to demonstrate that we are more than what society thinks of us. It's not always about what we have, it's more about the impact that we leave on others. Class will open doors; the smell of trash outside of the door will keep the door closed forever.

Smooches . . .

It's Just Me

It was written long before I knew how to write, that I would be a success. I would be a success at something, it was just not known exactly what I would be a success at. I have learned that I am successful because I am me. 

Each and every day I work dilligently at being the best me that I can be. I've learned the art of networking and I market "Team Tammy" on a daily basis. I continuously seek opportunities to learn and am always concentrating on excellence.

I am successful because I am fully aware of other people's plight, their challenges, and their circumstances. I don't pass judgement for I am always looking for ways to assist people in hopes of elevating them and directing them to their next level of success. I have a listening ear and I have been blessed with a peaceful aura, therefore people tend to gravitate to me and share some of thier life's challenges with me. They sense a sincere level of comfort and are able to openly communicate with me.

And while I am the first to admit that education isn't everything, I clearly realize that education can catulpult you to where you know that you need to be. Thus, I attribute much of my successes to my education. And I'm not only referring to my formal education, I am also speaking about informal education - those things that I learned about life 'along the way'. Those things that made me cry to the point where I learned a lesson from certain circumstances and I know that I never wanted to experience those things ever again.

Oftentimes I find myself thinking about my past and I go through a myriad of emotions. Sadness, anger, joy, frustration, and excitement have all been a part of my life. I'm no different from any other person. But how I dealt with those things has made all of the difference to me. I have been through some things and I am more than thankful for those things because they have transformed me into the Tammy that I am today.

Additionally, I had folk who prayed for me when I didn't have enough sense to pray for myself. I was covered by prayer before I learned of the importance of prayer. Now I know that it was those prayers for me that kept me on the right track when I wanted to do what I wanted to do.

So like I've said before, I am no different than anyone else. I am just me and I am the only me that I know to be. Take a moment to get to know who you are. Pinpoint your goals, your strengths and your weaknesses. Be true to yourself and begin to blossom into all that you know that you are. Believe in yourself and be the best you that you can be.

Each of us is special - pull out the best in you and shine, baby shine! 

Smooches . . .

"MY" Babies

I was a young mother but I was a "real" mother. Having my first child at the age of 16, I was quickly thrust into mommy mode. I knew that I wanted to be the best example to my daughter than any other that she could have.

I completed my education, surrounded myself with positive people who pushed and encouraged me, and doors began to open for me because I was interested in more than what society said a teen mom was entitled to. I was determined and I was dedicated! I wanted what I deserved and no one was going to stop me.

Now please don't think that it was easy because it wasn't. I struggled like so many other young mothers, but I was committed to seeing better days. I wanted what I wanted and I was not going to let anyone deter me from those things. Having four daughters was no easy task. And having four daughters with four different personalities made things a bit more challenging but those were my children and I dealt with all of their personalities. They each liked their own things and I supported them in ther hobbies. I didn't miss a teacher conference, a school program, a PTA meeting, and any of their extra curricular activities. I stretched myself because they were "MY babies" and I was everything to them.

Now my children are grown ladies. Three of them have their own families, one is contiuing her education, and I am more than happy to be their mother. I am their friend, their counselor if they need one, their doctor/nurse if they need one, their professor, but most of all, I am their mother. The love that I have for them far exceeds any love that I have for anyone. Just like when they were young, their well-being still means everything to me and I love them more than any words can say.

They are my daughters but they will always be "MY" babies. I would have never known that I could love anyone as much as I love them. Children are indeed a blessing. Love on them each and everyday that you can. I am the mother of four of the most precious young ladies that I know.

Smooches . . .

Communication Leads to Understanding

I am not a mind reader and if I were, I would read the minds of individuals to see exactly what they are thinking. But because I am not a mind reader, I depend on individuals to communicate in an effort to ensure that we both understand each other.

I remember when I was in college, I was assigned to work in a cohort and if we were to be successful on our class project, it was a must that we communicate with each other. Everyone had to be on the same page. We had to be aware of each other's roles and tasks. We had to work together to achieve a common goal. And we did just that and we did it successfully. Our class project was amazing. We worked together and we shared information. We communicated and it was effective. We received an "A" on the assignment and we were all happy.

But why can't the "real" world be just that simple? Why can't co-workers communicate, work together, and get the job done? Why can't mates talk to each other about any and everything? And most importantly, why can't people agree to disagree? Everything doesn't always have to be an argument if we just consistently do something that we do anyway - TALK! Why are things the way that they are?

Take time out to talk with people and actively listen to what they have to say and then respect their thoughts. Oftentimes we find that a breakdown in communication is what led to dysfunction. Families are broken. Business relationships have ceased. Marriages and personal relationships have deterriorated. Just like when we go to the bank teller to make a withdrawal, we talk to the teller and tell her what we want and how we want our money, we should also be able to talk about what our wants and desires are in any and every situation.

Communication can make things flourish. Whatever the situation is, communicate about it and see what happens. Talk about it, then be about it!

Smooches . . .

Something to think about . . .

As I ponder through my mind the things that I see ladies engaging themselvels in, I think about how many of us are confused and focused on the things that will not foster the successes that we so naturally deserve.

Oftentimes, women think that we can do anything that we want without getting hurt, feeling pain, and/or experiencing any type of embarrassement. Because I am a sincere advocate for women, I am here to say that this notion is simply untrue. What I do know is that a woman CANNOT do what a man does and still be considered a lady!

Ladies possess manners, care about how others view them, care about themselves, are considerate, and always seek opportunities to be better tomorrow than what they are today. Ladies admire the successes of other women, support them and lift them up whenever necessary.

The ladies of this world are the backbones of this world. Find your niche and give back to a society that can be changed for the better. Everyone has something to offer; get involved and give more than what you take away. You will love yourself for it. Have an amazing day . . . on purpose!

Smooches!

Special people will push you to your purpose

I am that one person that believes that life is busy. Sometimes busier than what we ever intended for our life to be. But what is definitely appreciated is having that special somebody in your life that believes in what you belive in, understands your mission, and believes in your purpose. The hustle and bustle of life can and will make you second guess yourself and your bottom line but having that special someone in your corner cheering you along and reminding you that your works are what are needed to ensure a successful outcome is what will assist in propelling you into your "true" future.

Now that special someone can be your mate but don't underestimate the cheerleader in your co-worker, your pastor, your family members, your fraternity brother and/or sorority sister, or any one who belives in who you are and values you for what you bring to the table. Don't push someone away when they are there to push you to be what you are destined to be.

I am the biggest cheerleader for Team Tammy but I also have special people who are on my sideline that can get behind and push me toward my destiny, get beside me and walk it out with me, and open a door for me that I thought was once closed to me. I am thankful to have people on Team Tammy that believe in Tammy. I am happy to have people on my team that understand the process and do what they can to make the process a little less stressful for me.

Want success? Find your purpose and work that thing! You are more than what people think you are!

Smooches . . .

Life is busy and oftentimes we find ourselves in our own world and rarely come outside of ourselves to see and understand what others may be experiencing. We sometimes take life too seriously and oftentimes, we stay within our own circle without venturing out to see what truly awaits us. While it's good and I recommend that we all have our circle of friends who we can bounce ideas off of when needed, I also encourage all whom I encounter to step outside of their box. Hell, remove the box completely and start living. Learn to appreciate diversity. Learn to not always be the leader for a true leader is one who knows when to be a follower as well.

So today is the first day of my blog, the first day where I will communicate with folk about things ranging from politics, sex and relationships, events, fashion, gossip (hehehe) and any other topic that seems to garner the attention of the masses. Through this blog, my desire is to reach people who have an interest in broadening their horizon about all things in this thing called life. I desire to connect with those whom I may never have an opportunity to engage with and I seek to have a dialogue that is useful to all who read my thoughts. Lastly, I desire to meet new friends and reconnect with those that I have lost touch with along the way - remember what I said earlier, life is busy.

So again, today is my first day as a blogger so look out world . . . the words of Tammy are genuine and sometimes comical, but they are words that will hopefully encourage all who reads them to begin to challenge themselves and their own thought process. I will use my blog to enlighten some and educate others. Prepare yourself for words of encouragement - let's prepare ourselves to be better people. 

Smooches . . .