Sacrifice

I am so tired of some of the excuses that some parents use to justify why they are not actively involved in their children's lives. I look at the excuses as just that - excuses. Children deserve an opportunity to explore, an opportunity to see a life outside of the life that they already know.

The excuses that I hear run the gamut. From I have to work, to I don't have money, to that's not for me, to I need to get some rest, we are holding our children back from being the best that they can be. We are not affording them opportunities to be better than what we were. Quite frankly, we are ruining our children. And on top off all of that, because of all of the hoopla with social media, in the future, we will see a generation of people who have very little or no social skills (but we can discuss this further during a later blog entry).

I have witnessed single mothers spread themselves super thin just to make sure that their children had opportunities. Hell, take me for example. I worked a full-time job, went to school full-time, and still made sure that my girls participated in the extra-curricular activities that assisted them in being the well-rounded women that they are today. They attended summer camps and vacation Bible schools, as well as participated in College Reach Out programs and other programs that were offered to youth throughout the community. Their development was so important to me that I worked my schedule around their schedules. I put my life on hold and I put them first. I dropped one of them off to tennis practice, and scurried across town to make sure that the others attended cheerleading and basketball practice. I didn't miss a parent/teacher meeting and I served on the school's advisory council. And on top of all of that, I prepared home-cooked meals and took care of the household mommy duties (geesh, I'm tired just thinking about those days).

My girls and I even had weekly "date nights" - those nights that we went out and did whatever they wanted to do. I showed them that I cared, that I was concerned about their upbringing and their success.

Wow! As a single parent, I now look back and can give myself a pat on the back because I survived. And others can do it to. Keep reminding yourself about the expeced outcomes and how your children will benefit from the sacrifices that you make on their behalf. Stop making excuses and just do it. An excuse is a release from an obligation or duty, but we are obligated to be the support that our children deserve. Get totally involved and show your children that you care about the whole them. Our children deserve to have parents that are nurturing, loving, and caring.

Make sure that if you are a parent, your life is about your children . . . and not about you. The day that you became a parent is the day that your wants and desires became secondary. Our children are important, their development should be the foremost concern of parents.

Sacrificing now will ensure that you witness your children at their fullest potential.

Smooches . . .

I'm Responsible For My Happiness

When relationships do not progress as we think that they should, it's probably for the best. And quite frankly, when we take the time to think about it, we already knew that the relationship was doomed even prior to its destruction. In addition, we sometimes find it difficult to allow another person into our lives because we want to hold them accountable for what our past mate did or did not do. We push the person with potential to the side because we hold on to the hurt that others have caused us. And, even though we desire to move on, we hold on to the junk that we should release and wonder why we have a difficult time in future relationships. Why do we do this? Because we are human and each human has a different way of dealing with hurt, deception and betrayal.

My friends who know me are aware that I have a very low tolerance for "junk" and foolishness. When I see foolishness coming, I go the opposite direction. I have been labeled the one that can walk away from a relationship and continue on like nothing concerns me. Well, while that's somewhat true, what's more important is that I want to be happy and if I'm not happy, I'm not Tammy. I am as real as they come and when I say that I can walk away from a relationship that doesn't bring me happiness, I say that after I have thought deeply about the direction that the relationship may or may not take me. 

The bottom line is that I give much thought to my happiness. I give much thought to what I will and what will not allow in my life. I give much thought to where I am and where I want to be. My happiness does not depend on someone else - I am responsible for that. And because I am responsible for that, if I see that the relationship is not for me, I accept it as that and move forward. I shift my transmission to drive and I do just that.

So I say to you, while you may be hurt or depressed that a relationship ended, keep your head high and keep it moving! Some folk are not deserving of a relationship with you anyway. Have some dignity about yourself and walk away from the relatiosnhip just as proud as you did when you walked into the relationship. Then prepare yourself for bigger and better.

We deserve the best! Don't compromise. Don't settle. And don't give in. There are good people out there looking for good people to share their lives with. We can be treated like the kings and queens that we are. Be open to meeting that someone who believes in you and desires to support and encourage you in your endeavors.

Relationships are fun. Great relationships are everything!

Smooches . . .

You Are Somebody

I must say, I have been witness to a lot of "stuff" but lately, the "stuff" is becoming more and more intense . . . and more and more unexplainable. For instance, some of the things that I see young ladies going through nowadays really should not be. Why do I say this? Quite simply. Young ladies should learn from the mistakes that others have already made. If I already know that the pot on the stove is hot, guess what? I'm not touching the hot pot.

The anger, heartache and confusion that so many of our young ladies experience is sad and it pulls at my heart. They seem to put a relationship above their well being hoping that things will get better at some point. They seem to endure disrespect and humiliation because they don't want to be the one with the relationship that went south. They remain in unhealthy situations because they are not sure what a healthy realationship is. But if I can say one thing to those young ladies who are lost and have no idea where to turn next, I would simply say "love you more than you love him".

Many women have been in situations where they've been made to feel like they are worthless and insignificant. And if you are a man that has placed such a title on a woman, shame on you. But this isn't about the men, this is about the women. The woman is who I care about and it is the woman that can change things for the better.Women are the backbone of this society. We are natural nurturers and we love because that's what our makeup is about. Women need to recognize that so many women have "been there and done that" so look to those things that woman have done and follow their example. If you know a woman that has escaped a situation and her life is much happier because of it, mimic what she's done. Rely on someone for help. Don't ever use the phrase "well, I just don't know what else to do". When in situations that are not beneficial for us, we know exactly what to do. We sometimes choose to NOT do them because we are programmed to accepting what should not be.

If you are programmed to accept disrespect, I encourage you to change your programming. If you think you don't deserve better, please know that you deserve much better. If you are afraid to do something different, I am here to tell you that God has NOT given us the spirit of fear. Shake yourself off and be all of the woman that you are destined to be!

Ladies, we have an abundance of power and we don't even recognize it. Don't allow yourself to remain in a situation that is not healthy for you. You are more than what people think of you. You are somebody . . . and there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do about it!

Smooches . . .